My world is crumbling down around me.  I'm scared beyond all belief. I don't know if I will every be the same again, I hurt constantly. I am tired of the pain. I am tired of the constant feelings of emptiness. 

I feel so incredibly alone and vacant. I feel like some piece of me is missing and I cannot figure out how to get it back. 

I am at loss for words. I grow more hopeless with each passing day, I weaken further and further. 

I fear nights alone, which is every night. I fear the hours I lay sleepless with my own thoughts swimming in my head, overflowing and unbearable. 

There is not a piece of hope I can hold onto and I am unable to successfully fool myself any longer.  

What is wrong with me. 

One year ago I felt precisely the opposite of my current state. 

How have I fallen so far so quickly. 

I am entirely broken.  My will to try is gone.  There is nothing left. 

Today I had an MRI scan because of a pinched sciatic nerve.  It was one of the most agonizing experiences of my entire life and one of the greatest test of my will and my control of my physical self.  How I was forced to lay brought me to the point of sever pain within moments of being placed therein.  Over the 25 minute course of the mind numbing sonic assault of the MRI machine, which relies of the patient laying completely still, I had to call upon all of my resolve and self control.  I tried to convince myself that it was a life or death situation and that the only way I would ever see anyone again was to remain completely motionless and endure some of the most agonizing pain I have ever experienced with no distraction other that what I could conjure in my mind, whilst magnetism electrified my face and neck and the sounds of a robot in the throws of death berated my ears.  When I was finally allowed out of this electronic torture chamber the news that greeted me was far from encouraging.  This experience was completely fucked.  Please do not repeat.

Free Spirit.

This is Arrow, he is a free spirit.  He belongs to a girl that works in a store next to Four Barrel.  He comes and goes of his own free will, he inspects most everything and pisses constantly.  He uses the cross walk and crosses the street of his own accord regularly.  He is a pretty tight little dude.  He was tied up today for a while outside and was visibly displeased about being so.  Nobody puts Baby in the corner.

A bump, a scrape.

Today after stating that it had been a while since my last fall on the bike I crashed.  I don't crash very often however I find that a regular minor spill keeps me safe from more serious crashes by ratio.  This is the first time in a while that I crashed because someone who I was riding with and I both ran into each other and I was totally fine with it.  You can cash into me anytime.

Man Down.

Today was mercilessly windy.  I delivered curry to some Drag Queens who called me "darling" and paid me $60 plus, mostly in ones.  They said they'd just performed the night before and were trying to get rid of their hangovers.  I asked if it had been a good show, they said it had.  A block away I found a Man Down and it all made sense.